Attacks of the Purple-Headed Blubber Munchers



It was an unusual case. Not because (as was first thought) it turned up another strain of Spaggs' Syndrome, but unusual in that it actually turned up something more far reaching, and much more menacing to our modern societies.

In recent years, the human brain has increasingly come under attack. And in cases where the human brain suddenly begins to disappear from within the skull cavity, neurosurgeons had gotten used to finding the tell-tale marks of Spaggs' Syndrome: a condition where cerebrum matter literally begins melting away (much like a blob of ice cream might do on a hot summer day), settling into and seeping down through the layers of protective membrane, and finally draining out of the body completely through the sinus cavities. In the course of a few weeks, in victims of Spaggs' Syndrome, critical gray matter is converted to a sticky green goo that's easily mistaken for nasal mucus (common snot), and is often disposed of accordingly.

But this most recent case of a steel construction worker in New York City was not like the others. Something had gotten into the patient's brain cavity and was actually growing inside as it ate away the brain. Not a solid mass like a tumor or cancerous growth, but as a hive of tiny creatures. In fact, it was soon shown that the disease was no disease at all, but an infestation of tiny insects. They were eventually identified as the ancient (and long believed to be extinct) Norwegian Purple-Headed Blubber Munchers.

Such creatures had not been seen since the high days of whaling off the Northern European coastlines. Devilishly ugly in appearance, the semi-aquatic life forms are believed to have come aboard the whaling vessels with the sea water. A bad infestation could wipe out an entire cargo of whale's blubber before the whalers could get back to port with their greasy treasure.

Of course, the present scenario seemed quite impossible. How could such creatures be infesting human brains here and now in the 21st Century? And why would a life form that thrives on blubber be attracted to brain tissue? How could they have evolved or mutated (or whatever) to such an extent so quickly? Even though the infestation was a not a disease by classic definition, the CDC undertook to solve the mystery.

Many weeks of hard work, and two very capable doctors devoted to such research found the answers. Wishing to remain anonymous, in order to avoid the media circus, these two scientists labored night and day to uncover the mystery that had so shaken the medical community. And what they found both relieved and chilled those who understood the far-reaching implications.

The Purple-Headed Blubber Munchers had not mutated or evolved (or whatever) in any way. They had not adapted themselves to a new environment or changed their eating habits. They still thrived only in blubber-rich environments. That was the good news -- or so it seemed at first.

The bad news was that modern human brains are apparently undergoing changes that would once have been thought impossible. These changes were occurring in specific segments of populations in certain regions of the world. The unfortunate changes seemed to be occurring most frequently in subjects taken from those industrially and economically established areas where formal education, professional and corporate development, and leisurely living were widely spread among the populations.

"This is not a global mutation, but an environmentally induced condition, seriously aggravated by the personal lifestyles of the subjects we've been able to study," one of the doctors stated in the published findings of the project.

The two researchers went on to explain their theory in a video that also documented the stages of their work. In summary, they found that human beings in most parts of the world are not susceptible to the infestation because their brains have normal levels of fat content. And, according to the researchers, this would also explain why previous generations of human populations never reported the condition.

"Historically, life on earth is difficult, placing huge demands on the human brain, as people were forced to struggle mentally and physically just to survive," a narrator's voice says on the video, as early scenes of tribal hunting parties in the wild are shown, followed by scenes of ancient fishermen on the open sea, followed by the image of a lone farmer, plodding along behind a plow that is pulled by oxen. The video then flashes back to the hunters who are attacked by the giant elk they are hunting, and then eaten by the saber-toothed tigers who had been following the elk. Another scene shows the relatively tiny boatloads of fishermen capsized by huge waves in the angry sea, and then eaten by sharks who had been waiting around for just such an opportunity. Then we see the farmer and oxen, as well as the sprouting crops, being overrun and trampled by a band of barbarians on their way to raid the nearest city.

"Similar conditions continue today for most human beings on the planet," the narrator continues, amid flashing scenes of famine starved lands, war torn nations, villages without water, and overcrowded refugee camps, followed by more scenes of earthquake ravaged third-world cities, and mass graves being fed by modern plagues in underdeveloped nations.

"But some people are more fortunate," the voice says, "living lives of extravagant luxury, without a care in the world." And the images switch to modern American and European cities filled with wealthy people, pampered dogs, luxury automobiles, luxury housing, luxury dining spots, movie houses, and electronic stores filled from floor to ceiling with stereo equipment, computers, TVs with huge screens, satellite TV and radio accessories, and so on.

These scenes are followed by others, of people sleeping in over-sized beds, children sprawled for hours in front of giant TV screens, whole families eating in front of home theater systems, university classrooms where students are spoon-fed all the ideas they will carry with them for the rest of their lives, and flashing scenes of poodle parlors, pet cemeteries, plastic surgery clinics that specialize in liposuction, abortion clinics, specialty bakeries, sex arcades, shopping malls, slaughter houses busily processing millions of chickens, pigs and cows, followed by scenes of surplus grain and citrus crops being burned or dumped into the ocean, flashes of stock market action, and shots of the U.S. Mint producing billions of dollars in paper money on high speed presses.

"Essentially," the narrator continues, "the conditions of highly developed societies in our modern age have produced an environment where large percentages of the population no longer feel the need to use their minds. They accept whatever society is telling them, and their notions are seldom challenged by life-threatening conditions. Living lives of ease, they never feel the need to use their minds to explore anything. The age of personal discovery is over.

"People today accept work in positions already developed and refined by others, and they find housing through the usual channels. They have plenty to eat, spend hours sitting in front of electronic sources of entertainment, and never experience the need to use their minds for much of anything.

"In summary, more and more people are becoming fat heads, in the most literal and dangerous sense of that term." And the screen reveals a white laboratory, where a row of ten seated men and women (facing away from the camera) are covered in white wrappings, with only their shaved heads exposed. The doctors (only their bodies below the neckline are shown) walk from subject to subject, surgically removing the top of each skull. One by one, the camera moves in for a close-up of each brain. And in every case, the brain tissue has largely been replaced by slabs of blubber.

The voice on the video says, "The normal human brain makes use of complex fats and may contain more than 50% fat. But a normal brain has no simple fat, no blubber. The brains in these subjects' heads have degenerated into pure blubber, as even the untrained eye can see.

"These brains have not yet been infested, but they're all susceptible to attack at any time." And suddenly, right in front of the camera, a subject’s blubbery brain begins wriggling and jiggling with activity, and a tiny spot of purple on one side of the mass rapidly grows, as the fat in the brain shrivels into nothing. In a matter of seconds, the entire brain is gone, leaving a purple mass of gorged insects that quickly spread out, in search of a new home and more food.

Chaos breaks out in the laboratory, as technicians scramble to replace the tops of the other subjects' skulls to stop the violent spread of the Purple-Headed Blubber Munchers. They succeed in saving three of the subjects from immediate infestation. But the narrator tells us that the blubbery condition of their brains still leaves these subjects at high risk, regardless of the level of medical intervention. With that, the video ends.

So there you have it. Now you know what I know and what the world media was allowed to see last Thursday afternoon at the CDC headquarters in Atlanta, Georgia. We were all given a copy of the 6,546-page report, a copy of the video, a self-test kit (for determining our own blubber-to-brain-mass ratio), and a pamphlet of exercises that are thought to improve the overall health of brain tissue.

And now you can also understand why the media has remained largely silent about the new findings. Most of the attendees were so sickened by the images and findings revealed at the conference that we've been unable to function well for the last three days. But now more and more of us are finally coming around, and are trying to get the word out.

But what can we say -- "Change your lifestyle or die"? You see how well that message has worked with smoking, overeating, drinking, drug abuse, bodily exercise, industrial pollution, the use of drugs in livestock, the use of pesticides in crops, the personal use of credit cards, the hoarding of our national wealth and resources while the rest of the world perishes, and so on.

Even so, we in the media owe it to everyone to get the word out. So here's my first installment for the Arksonville Central News. I hope to be around to produce the whole series. We'll see.

My own test results were not promising. Like most other "average" Americans, I've spent too many years "going with the flow" of popular thinking and activity. But I'm not dead yet, so there's still hope.

This Sunday, I'm taking my family to church. I know I'll take a lot of flack from the other guys. I've always prided myself on being so agnostic, "open-minded," and clever, so "above" those who believe in God, in the power of faith, in the power of Jesus Christ. I've hung out in the bars after work, laughing it up with the best of them. But the little test kit says that I'm a fat head. I'm susceptible to infestation and the terrible death that follows.

So I'm turning things around, right here and now. I'm not going to drift with the flow anymore. I want to use my brain, to use my whole mind and heart to search out the truth, to discover the real Jesus Christ, the God of the Bible. I'm not going along with all the popular garbage any longer. No, there’s too much fat-headed thinking in the popular ideas offered by our society.

And I found a promise in the Bible that gives me some hope of achieving success.

God says, "For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for your well being and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you. When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me, says the LORD, and I will restore your fortunes..." (Jeremiah 29:11-14)

The doctors at the conference also assured us that if we will start using our brains again, and stop trying to simply coast through life, accepting whatever feels good and whatever is easy, then we can reverse some of the fat head condition of our brains.

So I’m finished with the "easy way out" mentality. For too long, I’ve just taken the path of least resistance, and tried for the popular vote. Whatever was in, whatever everybody else was saying, that’s what I wanted to be like. But truth is not so democratic. Reality is not determined by the majority opinion.

So here I am. I’ve been give a choice: life or death. I'm choosing life.





©2004 Jim Sutton
originally published at http://jimsdesk.goodwordusa.org

reproduced here by the author